The importance of boundaries
Why trying to do it all is ruining your wellbeing!
Your to do list is a mile long, but all you really want to do is have a slow day with no drama.
Then your phone pings - an email, text or call from a family member, friend or work colleague who always leaves things to the last minute and comes calling to you for help.
As a people pleaser, not wanting an drama, fuss or to feel guilty, you say yes to helping them. Even though you have a million things to get done yourself!
You my friend have a boundary issue.
Either you have none or don’t keep to them!
It’s time to say NO!
Setting boundaries and staying true to them is not about being mean or unkind, its about honouring your needs.
Boundaries help you make life more enjoyable.
Boundaries set a clear expectation between you and the other person.
Boundaries create integrity - you keep your word to yourself.
If saying no is hard for you - I know, I’ve been there before.
I felt the guilt and would push aside time that I had already planned for other things. Sure emergencies can come up, but its also a case of asking yourself this:
Is their urgency, urgent for me? Is their priority, a priority for me?
No? Then kindly turn them down.
Back in 2018 I signed up with my very first mentor. The biggest takeaway from working with her was to say no. She introduced me to ‘the No train’ - it's a great place to be, hop on board.
A train is set on route for its destination, it can’t be easily moved or change course - just like your plans. Is the request being asked of you going to delay or derail you?
Yes? Then kindly turn them down.
People are creatures of habit. As much as you are in the habit of dropping everything to help others, they will also be in the habit of expecting you to always be there.
This is a lose, lose for both parties.
You miss out on what’s urgent and important for you.
They miss out on an opportunity to support themselves OR ask someone else or help that may be better qualified than yourself.
Like with any new habit, it can feel challenging to change so I’ve included a few ways below you can kindly turn someone down.
I need to check my diary before I can commit to anything. I’ll let you know by the end of the day.
Sorry I’m already booked up then. I can do (give a couple of dates or times), do any of these work for you?
I’d love to help, but that’s really not my area of expertise. Have you asked (give a recommendation if you have one.)
I’ve already promised to help (give name if you wish) and they asked me (days, weeks, months) ago.
No!
I’m already booked, here’s a link to my calendar so you can see when we are both available (share link with them) - this is great for colleagues or business owners.
Remember if they decide to challenge or keep challenging your boundaries, to be firm and remind them that you said no.
Need a little more support? Let me do that for you in ‘The Vibrant Wellbeing Method’ my 90 day program for creating a happier and healthier work life balance.
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